MIDNIGHT RAMBLINGS// On New Years

1/02/2015 03:52:00 AM

        Hello lovely internet people. It's been a while but I'm back! I don't know for how long but hopefully for good. After entering grad school and moving halfway across the world, lack of internet and lack of time has really took a turn on my blogging/vlogging life. The good news is that I'm back home in MURICA and I am very very happy to be back in a place that has (mostly) reliable wifi that I can use to my heart's content. I have very much missed reliable wifi without a cap on how much you can use every month. And I'm so glad to be back in a place where they speak English and where there are less people and more cars and Mexican food. I'm sure I'll come to miss Hong Kong soon, but until I've had one burrito too many, I think I'm going to be a little sad to be going back come the beginning of the semester.

        Currently, I am riding that productive new years high where I feel motivated to not sleep and just do everything all at once until I burn out. I'm going to try my best to not burn out this year, but I still want to do everything at once and there are so many thoughts running through my mind I don't even know where to start. To be honest I'm never excited for a new year. I never feel that renewal that seems to be abuzz and the motivation never lasts too long and sometimes I'm just faced with the reminder that I should have been doing more. I think this year I want to take it easy. I want to do what I can and be whoever I am because I know that I will grow exponentially with each coming day, whether a new year is starting or not. Every year starts with striving to be better, faster, stronger, more _______ and that is great and amazing but those New Years Resolution naysayers are right about one thing; the coming of  a new year doesn't change anything. I am done with trying to be a fundamentally different person just because the calendar now says 2015 instead of 2014. Currently I am a 22 year old lost in the confusion of work, school, society, and self and I have a blog that's not doing too hot and I am conflicted and scared and that is totally ok. I had a very mediocre countdown to the new year and I feel really mediocre right now and I am not where I want to be in any aspect of my life and that's ok too.

        In 2015, I won't stop feeling this way. I will constantly be trying to figure out my life and who I am and what I want to do in the future and I've learned that that is totally and completely fine. The future is filled with uncertainty and it's filled with change and I am coming to grips that it's the only constant that we have. In 2015 the only thing that I hope will happen is that these bombardment of experiences that is life makes me grow. I hope it stretches me a little further out of my comfort zone so that I can finally fill the shoes of the woman that I was born to be, if that mold even exists at all. That won't happen in just the coming year but if it's a successful year I will be one step closer to that person, waiting for me to become her. I've never been more ready.

        Also I should probably floss more... Regardless, I hope you're having the happiest New Year. Here's to a good one!

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